Refractive Index

At times clever
most times foolish’
could be my behaviour
a kind of  pessimism
prevails as I  observe
perhaps  echoes
 my weak optimism.

I feel insecure in a crowd

which  guffaws, talks loud
converse  unmeaningful
 a sort of reluctance,
 I experience.. Perhaps
 a fish out of water
 an idiom much used.

The part of me, which identifies
a shrewdness. rises up in full flow
floods with an unexpected force
leads me to an inebriated  mood
while my sensibility, rather my sensitivity  
 condemns the  incoherence.