Month: May 2016

The woods are dark and deep
not a whisper from the steep
the silence creates a fear
a quiver is felt in the rear.

The roars of lion create a fear
the chatter of monkeys elicits a cheer
the hoots of the owl cause a scare
the birds tweet to share.

The tweets and chatter resonate
the roars and growls reverberate
but could do no more to juxtapose
the stillness in force.

The woods enforce an awe
as one slowly peeps
find no disharmony
the woods lie there like a sheep.

 

A modified version of the original,

The woods are dark and deep

remain aloof from the whirl

not a sound nor a beep

could be heard in the twirl.

The darkness and stillness

send an awe down the spine

could be a cause of denseness

they signal a caution in the line.

The random roar  of the lion

the far away chatter of the monkeys

the tweets of birds in the line

added by the bray of donkeys.

These tweets and touts  as heard

fall shallow into the wilderness

cross, not the boundaries in a nerd

seem to be insignificant in the  quietness.

The woods are dark and deep

as there are nothing to reap

being hard for one to peep

lies as quiet as a sheep.

 

Do not think that I am taxing you. Read both the versions and extend your thought on both.

Meena.

Hot , hotter and hottest

obsessed I with heat

day by day the heat increases

never does it go down

perspiration, sweat and fatigue

overcomes with a force

thirst, thirst unquenchable thirst

overwhelms in all

unable to appease it

with litres of water and juices

not able to venture out

unable to  sit locked in the house

unbearable it becomes all the more

questionable to the sustenance?

how am I to endure the rest of summer

so hot and so cruel being against all norms.

 

This being original, I have done some improvements. Please go through both of them and give your opinion.

I am obsessed with heat
it melts me all too quick
I perspire with a sigh
I sweat heavily
I am tired, dead tired.

I am thirsty, damn thirsty
I drink pints of milk and buttermilk
litres of juices and water
never I go near the ice creams
the thirst is unquenchable.

I wish not to venture out
prefer to sit at home
I think of sustenance unrelatedly
the rest of summer stares hard
I am at a loss.

Greed and envy
walk hand in hand
a twin relation.

Grief-stricken she is,
her man has turned unfaithful
his eyes rested on her wealth
when denied he turned different.

She was liberal initially
met all his demands
being an embodiment of virtues
loved him the most.

 

He manipulated and schemed
threw an air of care and sincerity
it was a deceit
she found it very late.

She tightened the strings
he deserted her
she envisaged the turn
remained stoic and insulated.

The bash had an effect
mentally she was strong
her body let her down
she succumbed to an illness.

This is an improved version of the original.

A lot more could be said

silenced by the consequences

she goes away from the limelight

for reasons best known to her

a saddened heart be all for a cause.

 

Tossed and torn by love

she lost her grace, on the whole

her charm has waned

she looks a grief struck and bitten

by the destiny’s cruel hands.

 

The love she bore for a man

was well accepted in the beginning

later it turned into a faithless one

his eyes all set on her money

which stood beyond billions.

 

She gave him liberally at first

censored as she smelt of an unfaithfulness

which provoked him to the most

unkind he turned at once

sadistic and selfish all in one.

 

She cut her ties with him

could be the physical one

done so easily and smoothly

while her agony tormented her for long

being one of the mind and heart.

Read both the versions. I need your suggestions . I want to know which is better Your opinion is essential.

 

The game, cat and the mouse,
played by school kids,
over and over again
was my favourite one.

I played the mouse
my friend the cat
I was no match for her
yet, I entered the fray.

She chased me
unassailable I was
I ran in circles
dodged her in every way.

Soon,I lost my spirit
was about to surrender
alas! she fell down
while she tread
over a stone.

I was declared winner
the strongest lost
to the weakest
unheard of

A reference subtle
could be drawn
the strength does not count
the propitious time favours.

 

Compare with the original

The cat and the mouse game

I played with my friends

on the sprawling grounds of our school

unusually  strikes me fast.

Once I played the mouse

and a strong girl the cat

over and over I went  in circles

between the rows, beneath the chain

she came charging behind.

I lost my spirit, slowed down

knew that would be the end

oh! no, she hit on a stone

and broke her leg.

I came out free.

A game of energy and will

shows your strength and skill

over and above lies one more

being one of  luck all so vital

determines the victory and defeat.

 

Please let me know which one reads better?

I need a reply from my loving readers.

The wheel of fortune
stays not in one place
turns as often as it can
brings a downturn unexpectedly
strikes an upswing unknowingly.
The wheel rotates on its own
waits for none in its course
the rich turn poor
the order reverses
it being governed by infinity
wheels towards eternity.

Worked on the poem The Wheel Of Fortune.

The original,

The wheel of fortune

turns with a will

the one up for a time

comes down for sometimes

change no one wishes

it happens whatever matters

round and round the wheel rotates

spins and revolves

leaving no time or any space

fortunate turns unfortunate

the rich become poor

a circulation compulsory

being   one of infinity.

Like to know from the readers which one is good ?

Please, let me know as I am preparing the manuscript.

Thanks,

Meena.

 

I go into the clouds
fly  in pure bliss
the white wavy foam
embrace me.

I dive into the waters
get caught in the ripples
the blue murky flow
enwraps me.

I pass  into eternity
drift into the unfathomable
the timelessness stems up
surrounds me.

 

Edited  and workshopped on the original.

The original,

I know not where I am

into the clouds I go

fly and sail

into the water, I float

swim and dive

into the eternity

I find myself

drifting slowly

nothing can stop

none can object.

Like to know from the readers which one is better?

Really need  it.

 

 

 

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