Category: thoughts

Read the revised version,

A street car named
desire could ransack
the qualities of a man.
It could rummage
the wealth of a man.

 

A want of a will
could damage all
no matter the place
nor the phase.

A wish for more
destroys like a fire
reduces into a zero.

compare  with the original,

A street car named desire

could rout any of a liar

even in situations dire

wherever it be even in a shire

as it spirals up the entire

leaves nothing in the near

that be its power rather queer

would  bring a fall in a fear.

Pick the best.

Meena.

 

He loves to be in the limelight
sits at the centre of the stage
chairs the meet.

He cherishes his status
acknowledges the greetings
with a smile. Convinced of his stature
he lords over with an air of artificiality.

He is egocentric
Never could he be generic.

The workshopped version of the original,

 

 

it is a delight

to be in a limelight

not once but often

could be in tens

a love to chair the meet

takes up the thought  upbeat

could you call it a feat?

never would I in any treat

as it is absolutely egocentric

never a feel of a generic

 

The revised one,

The delays I encounter
keep me at bay.
I face them
in every phase and place.

The wealth to which I am entitled
has not come to me yet.
The health factor dodges
a strange coincidence.

I am in my twilight years
I see no rhyme or rhythm
life is prosaic and drab.
I am pained. I blame none.
I reconcile, not much I can do.

 

The original,

The days go by

encounter a lot of delays

unable to go about my way

it has been a lifetime

seen no rhyme

whatsoever, be it in wealth

be it in health

that is not all a strength

being a destiny I conclude

playing hard on me  rather rude

accept I without a murmur

while my heart  loses its tremor

well, it is to me all through.

 

Please read them and pick the best.

Meena.

The one from the workshop,

Away on the long road
secluded and undulating
I drove uninterrupted
on my journey onward.

Not the same a few months later
I returned with the same expectation
I was caught in the traffic.
The road less traversed
became the one most travelled
no one knew how it became so?
an enigmatic turn unbelievable

Beneath the layers
lies an allegory
a subtle analogy
for the human race.

A man, who lives unnoticed
all his skills bundled up,
becomes renowned. Lies not
on the wealth or power
but on the intrinsic.

The original. Call for the best. Your response is awaited.

It is a long road

winding and steep

away from the main

secluded and broad.

None prefers to go through

being far and away

the road being  different

aloof and undulating in true.

The road less traversed

lies unused for long

a day comes to the play

when it tops up the cross.

The lonely road is full of buzz

vehicles go up and down

incessant in  their  plight

has become a famed one in a plus.

Being the  path of life as seen

the one which lies low

suddenly rises up to prominence

that be the  choice in a deem.

 

 

 

The  edited and modified version,

Jealousy propounds a colour
one of bright yellow
pale it is in the beginning,
turns darker as days pass
reflects an animosity
along with a dislike
confirms a quality of detest
a shade of vengeance
remarkably reticent.

 

The original,

Jealousy professes colour

high up with the collar

the tinge of the colour

a bright and a light stellar

one with the sunlight

as scorching and bright

a mild hue in the initial

turns darkest in the final

reflects an animosity in large

refracts a dislike on the verge

the colour being one of yellow

does not freely  in an allow

expresses the concern if at all

the consideration being one of  a fall

a wish of bitterness and sourness

nothing at all of the  sweetness.

 

 

A comparison of both and a  tick for the best.

Meena.

 

The original,

 

 

The ups and downs

keeps one tied down

happy to see the rise

sad to experience the fall.

 

A climb up is  a struggle

hard work marks it

a slide down is easy

many factors  go to make it.

 

Expenditure over revenue

a happy go lucky attitude

misfortune the least

contribute to failures.

 

All of us know

pay no attention

till the going is good

make merry and spend.

 

As the tides turn  back

the results show a negative

the fear grips  slowly

grief strikes quickly.

 

Similar to the  waves

a progress in the run

a retrieve without fun

day in day out it happens.

 

The river flows undisturbed

the sea roars unmoved

the life  goes on likewise

with a ripple and a furore.

 

The edited version,

 

The ups and downs punctuate life
the ups bring happiness
the downs befell grief.

Excesses lead to disaster
one of expenditure over revenue
another of lies over truth.

We know the consequences
yet renew them unwittingly
targeting the short-lived benefits.

We fail to take the cue from Nature
which exists with a placidity
ignoring the tempestuousness around
strong and firm.

A genuine opinion is needed from the readers.Please vote for the best.

I lived in a place
(now it is no more)
where the wind blew with a swish
the birds tweeted in joy
the leaves rustled gracefully
altogether a rhythmical poise.

Now, I find a township around me
low, middle and high-income houses
have come up in scores.

I wish to move out
the din around stabs me
the financials hold me.

I ruminate with ire
in the midst, I hear
an outcry
from the neighbourhood.

I recline with a chagrin
closing my eyes
and my ears.

A workshopped version of the original,

Longtime it was, I remember

lived in a place without any tremor

I chose the  place  in the surround

where there was no inhabitation in and around

I had the eternity  all to myself.

I could hear the wind blow

swishing sounds in the flow

heard the birds chatter and  tweet

woke me up early with their beats

no noise whatsoever unrhythmical.

This could not be long in the days

came developments in a chase

houses came in different phases

low, middle, and high income in a pace

I sit  amidst a township now.

Feel jostled and disturbed  in the run

I contemplate on the turn

shift, should I to some other place

if there be an exodus soon in case

where to go? I stroke my forehead.

Whatever I attempt it turns opposite

to fund a new purchase have to break the deposit

I knit my eyebrows in a deliberate

nothing strikes me straight

I could not sit in peace for long.

As I brood over the situation

I am woken up by the distractions

the traffic on the road and the loud honking

thwarted my peace  instigating

a fall from  the level of sanity  for a while.

 

 

Vote for the best.

The woods are dark and deep
not a whisper from the steep
the silence creates a fear
a quiver is felt in the rear.

The roars of lion create a fear
the chatter of monkeys elicits a cheer
the hoots of the owl cause a scare
the birds tweet to share.

The tweets and chatter resonate
the roars and growls reverberate
but could do no more to juxtapose
the stillness in force.

The woods enforce an awe
as one slowly peeps
find no disharmony
the woods lie there like a sheep.

 

A modified version of the original,

The woods are dark and deep

remain aloof from the whirl

not a sound nor a beep

could be heard in the twirl.

The darkness and stillness

send an awe down the spine

could be a cause of denseness

they signal a caution in the line.

The random roar  of the lion

the far away chatter of the monkeys

the tweets of birds in the line

added by the bray of donkeys.

These tweets and touts  as heard

fall shallow into the wilderness

cross, not the boundaries in a nerd

seem to be insignificant in the  quietness.

The woods are dark and deep

as there are nothing to reap

being hard for one to peep

lies as quiet as a sheep.

 

Do not think that I am taxing you. Read both the versions and extend your thought on both.

Meena.