Month: June 2016

Pachaimani, pavalamani, pasimani
Beads, precious beads,
she cries in a sonorous cheerful voice.
Her family of four all wear
beads hanging from their necks.

I invite them in, splendid in their vibrant coloured
clothing, rustic in a way yet noble.
They sit on the thinnai and set up shop,
spread a coir mat and display a dazzling
array of beads. I examine carefully.

The man cries,
aiyoo, amma “
Why are you so fussy?
they are ordinary beads, not diamonds
you would look pretty with pavalams
they would go well with your complexion.

Bowled over by his charm,
my interest aroused
I decide to buy
His son danced around merrily.
His woman adored him, shown by her coy stare.
[Normally these people practice casual relationships.]
I am struck by their love and contentedness
I bought pavalams paying over the odds.

The gypsies, in general, are not disciplined,
wayward bohemians.
the women in check multicoloured skirts and high cholis
they tell fortunes, often with a kol(cane) in their hands
while the men tie a loin of cloth around their waist
and a thalaipagu (a headgear) around their head
catch snakes, rats, and frogs burn them
a sumptuous dinner for the family.

They care not for our institution, our culture
they shun learning gain knowledge by hearsay
excel in mental arithmetic
veritable computer-like in their swiftness to compute.
Eat raw be it fruits, vegetables
One man and one wife are not in their code
meet and mate whomever they like, be they bold
wanderers of lands called as Narikuravas.
they bid goodbye in a chorus of giggling
the man, for sure, is a born salesman
caught me at the right moment
and made good of my weakness earning a profit.

The revised version,

A man walks with his head high
shows off he is invincible in tries.
He, who lived happily all through
faced an eventuality one day.

He lost his wealth overnight
finds himself alone in the world
a situation he did not expect.

He had shunned relations and friends
they retaliate in turn
a forsaken man he is
saddled with liabilities.

Had he been honest
and shown compassion
he would have been
in a better wicket.

The  original version,

Man is driven by necessity

most times he walks with head high

behaves imperious unnecessarily

a  show off that he is invincible  in tries .

As  always times change for him for bad

he who saw  roses all the days

would undergo  an eventuality that makes him sad

he would be on the run afraid of a chase.

Driven by loss and wants he turns to the reality

had been unmindful  of others all through

an extravagant transaction had brought the fall definitely

been  saddled with liabilities  becomes insolvent  in truth.

Not  being a story or tale nor a history in the run

being a one of recent  that happened a day before

security is mortal’s chiefest enemy  an idiom not of fun

practise honesty as a rule, therefore.

 

A request  to pick the best.

Read the revised version,

A street car named
desire could ransack
the qualities of a man.
It could rummage
the wealth of a man.

 

A want of a will
could damage all
no matter the place
nor the phase.

A wish for more
destroys like a fire
reduces into a zero.

compare  with the original,

A street car named desire

could rout any of a liar

even in situations dire

wherever it be even in a shire

as it spirals up the entire

leaves nothing in the near

that be its power rather queer

would  bring a fall in a fear.

Pick the best.

Meena.

 

He loves to be in the limelight
sits at the centre of the stage
chairs the meet.

He cherishes his status
acknowledges the greetings
with a smile. Convinced of his stature
he lords over with an air of artificiality.

He is egocentric
Never could he be generic.

The workshopped version of the original,

 

 

it is a delight

to be in a limelight

not once but often

could be in tens

a love to chair the meet

takes up the thought  upbeat

could you call it a feat?

never would I in any treat

as it is absolutely egocentric

never a feel of a generic

 

The revised one,

The delays I encounter
keep me at bay.
I face them
in every phase and place.

The wealth to which I am entitled
has not come to me yet.
The health factor dodges
a strange coincidence.

I am in my twilight years
I see no rhyme or rhythm
life is prosaic and drab.
I am pained. I blame none.
I reconcile, not much I can do.

 

The original,

The days go by

encounter a lot of delays

unable to go about my way

it has been a lifetime

seen no rhyme

whatsoever, be it in wealth

be it in health

that is not all a strength

being a destiny I conclude

playing hard on me  rather rude

accept I without a murmur

while my heart  loses its tremor

well, it is to me all through.

 

Please read them and pick the best.

Meena.

The one from the workshop,

Away on the long road
secluded and undulating
I drove uninterrupted
on my journey onward.

Not the same a few months later
I returned with the same expectation
I was caught in the traffic.
The road less traversed
became the one most travelled
no one knew how it became so?
an enigmatic turn unbelievable

Beneath the layers
lies an allegory
a subtle analogy
for the human race.

A man, who lives unnoticed
all his skills bundled up,
becomes renowned. Lies not
on the wealth or power
but on the intrinsic.

The original. Call for the best. Your response is awaited.

It is a long road

winding and steep

away from the main

secluded and broad.

None prefers to go through

being far and away

the road being  different

aloof and undulating in true.

The road less traversed

lies unused for long

a day comes to the play

when it tops up the cross.

The lonely road is full of buzz

vehicles go up and down

incessant in  their  plight

has become a famed one in a plus.

Being the  path of life as seen

the one which lies low

suddenly rises up to prominence

that be the  choice in a deem.

 

 

 

The  edited and modified version,

Jealousy propounds a colour
one of bright yellow
pale it is in the beginning,
turns darker as days pass
reflects an animosity
along with a dislike
confirms a quality of detest
a shade of vengeance
remarkably reticent.

 

The original,

Jealousy professes colour

high up with the collar

the tinge of the colour

a bright and a light stellar

one with the sunlight

as scorching and bright

a mild hue in the initial

turns darkest in the final

reflects an animosity in large

refracts a dislike on the verge

the colour being one of yellow

does not freely  in an allow

expresses the concern if at all

the consideration being one of  a fall

a wish of bitterness and sourness

nothing at all of the  sweetness.

 

 

A comparison of both and a  tick for the best.

Meena.

 

The original,

 

 

The ups and downs

keeps one tied down

happy to see the rise

sad to experience the fall.

 

A climb up is  a struggle

hard work marks it

a slide down is easy

many factors  go to make it.

 

Expenditure over revenue

a happy go lucky attitude

misfortune the least

contribute to failures.

 

All of us know

pay no attention

till the going is good

make merry and spend.

 

As the tides turn  back

the results show a negative

the fear grips  slowly

grief strikes quickly.

 

Similar to the  waves

a progress in the run

a retrieve without fun

day in day out it happens.

 

The river flows undisturbed

the sea roars unmoved

the life  goes on likewise

with a ripple and a furore.

 

The edited version,

 

The ups and downs punctuate life
the ups bring happiness
the downs befell grief.

Excesses lead to disaster
one of expenditure over revenue
another of lies over truth.

We know the consequences
yet renew them unwittingly
targeting the short-lived benefits.

We fail to take the cue from Nature
which exists with a placidity
ignoring the tempestuousness around
strong and firm.

A genuine opinion is needed from the readers.Please vote for the best.